The Most Cliche Post: 15 Lessons I Learned In 28 Years

A little over a month ago I turned 28. I read that out loud as I wrote it and had to second guess myself because I don’t feel 28. When I was younger, I thought that 28-year-olds were all married, had kids and owned their own homes. Now that I am that age, I realize that is not the case…at all.  True, some of my friends are married. Some of my friends own homes. Some of my friends have/are having babies. But, for the most part, 28 isn’t as old as I used to think it would be. And, as much as my mom will disagree with this (I’m still not allowed to drive long distances alone according to her), it’s still a lot of years and I’ve learned a lot of lessons. Here are 15 of them:

1. Be your own advocate. This is one my mom tells me over and over again. I grew up with and still have a condition that will need to be monitored often for the rest of my life. The problem is, I don’t have symptoms from the actual condition itself. When I started #adulting and making my own appointments (still not on board with this one BTW), my mom constantly stressed that no one will look out for me and I have to be my own advocate for my health and everything else. Well, she was right. At the risk of sounding harsh, no one looks out for you. My doctors don’t call if I miss appointments, my bosses don’t check in regularly to see if I want a raise or promotion, and in general, if you don’t speak up no one’s going to do it for you.
2. Try new things. I went to a college I visited only after I was already committed to going where I knew no one. I went abroad to a country I’ve never been to and knew no one. I’ve gone on dates with people I have zero interest in just to see what happens. I’ve tried spinning (almost died – literally) and tried it again. I’ve gone to new places, tried new things and I’m still here and everything’s fine. I don’t like going out of my comfort zone almost to a fault. I’ll do a lot to stay with what’s familiar but every time I try something new I wish I had done it sooner.
3. Take a risk. This piggybacks on the one above but whatever. I hate when people say cheesy quotes but I’ve become one of those people. You’ll regret the things you didn’t say and didn’t do. If things don’t work out, fine. But you won’t know if you don’t try.
4. Realize it’s ok to not be ok. Not everything always goes your way. Life happens and it just sucks sometimes. No one’s happy 100% of the time. I’m not ashamed to admit I’ve seen a therapist. I’ve been through some things in life and needed help sorting out how I felt and how to process it all. It’s ok if you’re not ok because, at some point, I think everyone feels that way.
5. Ask for help. I’m the first to admit this is a huge flaw of mine. I don’t ask for help. I take on too much and burn out and lose my mind and call my mom and whine about it. It’s not shameful to ask for help when you need it and that’s a HUGE lesson I learned this past year.
6. Walking away is sometimes harder than staying. Low key want to punch myself for saying this one but it’s true. It’s such an annoying statement but when you think about it, it’s 100% accurate. You hate your job but have comfort in the salary, the people and the routine. Your relationship is miserable but you’d have to find a new place to live, you’d lose some friends you both share and the memories you had. Walking away isn’t easy but when you know something isn’t right for you and is doing more harm than good, rip the band-aid off and call it a day.
7. Being a dog mom will change your life. I adopted Charlotte in 2015 and I can’t even list all the ways my life has changed. I never used to cry, ever. Now I do. I never understood my parents and how they worried about me. Now I do. I never loved something/someone so unconditionally that if they did something REALLY naughty I would love them the same. I’ve learned how to put someone else first when needed and I’ve learned how to care for someone other than myself.
8. People will eventually show you who they are and you should believe them. I think it’s human nature to try and see the best in people. But sometimes, people just suck and when they show you that, you need to believe them the first time around.
9. You’re never wrong if you do the right thing. I learned this from the movie The Intern with Robert DeNiro. Fun fact: his character in that movie is my dream husband if you subtract a few decades in age. This is a quote from someone else originally but he says it and the way his character acts is exactly what I think people should be. If you always do the right thing, you can’t go wrong.
10. Family is very important. I used to be one of those teenagers who didn’t want to be home with my parents on the weekend and I’ve turned into an adult whom my parents can’t get rid of. My family has been through a lot of tragedy in the last decade or so and it’s brought us together in a way I never could have imagined. My immediate family, aunts, uncle and cousins are all closer because of it. A lot of good came out of some tragic circumstances and it’s incredibly bittersweet because it’s an odd feeling to be grieving and grateful at the same time.
11. Walk more. I started walking home from work this year and it’s about a two-mile walk across the city. I started because I hated waiting for the train and I sometimes get anxiety when I’m on it. Cold, hot, rain, whatever I 100% prefer to walk. I see new places and people I never would have seen and it just generally feels good. That’s all I have to say about that.
12. Don’t be an asshole. Self-explanatory.
13. If you can’t quit thinking about someone maybe there’s a reason why. There’s a lot of people from my past and present that I think of often. I don’t engage with them all the time but there’s something about them that just keeps coming up. When you miss people or wonder what they’re doing, call them (or text them, sorry I forgot it’s 2018).
14. Things don’t work out for a reason. A lot of jobs, relationships, and opportunities never worked out for me. At the time I’d be disappointed, discouraged, sad, whatever you want to call it. But, in retrospect, a lot of things did work out because those things didn’t.
15. We’re all just doing our best. No one has the answers. No one’s figured out their life. If someone tells you otherwise, they’re lying. It’s a one day, week, month at a time kind of thing. Some of us figure it out a little better than others but at the end of the day we’re all just figuring it out as we go.