A year ago today I was pretty unhappy. Maybe people knew this, maybe they didn’t. I don’t usually like talking about my feelings or my failures and I definitely don’t like sharing my overwhelm with anyone. It was like I was in limbo and while nothing was really going wrong, I still struggled to feel excited about the day-to-day. Maybe it’s our generation and we’re all just making mountains out of molehills, but I can confirm that a year ago today I was reaching a point where something had to change or I was going to pull an early 2000’s Britney and just shave my head — dramatic, but you get it.
Today, I’m content — happy. I can honestly say that I am in a really good place and I’m excited when I wake up in the morning. I love my job, I have an amazing family, the world’s cutest dog, and I’m genuinely grateful for where my life is headed. It’s taken me almost 29 years to get here, and it wasn’t easy. There were a lot of years where I struggled with happiness, confidence, and depression. I saw my first counselor when I was a sophomore in college and it was the first time I had to face myself and problems in the mirror. That’s a metaphor for what the counselor did. He refused to let me make excuses and I had to face everything head-on and really look at who I was and the choices I was making. I can’t say that I fixed all my problems that year, but it was a really positive start to learning to understand myself.
When you’re young, you learn a lot. First, it’s how to spell your name and then how to write it in cursive (do they still do that?) Then, it’s multiplication, division, and how to dissect a book for protagonists and finding the rising action, climax, and conclusion. But, you never really learn about life. Some may argue that it’s a parents’ job to do that, and while I understand that to a degree, there needs to be more. Life is hard. And our early years can shape who we’re destined to become. It’s a blessing to have parents who are present and able to teach you life’s lessons, but not everyone has that luxury. And, even if you do, not every parent has dealt with the issues their child will deal with in the future. I think aside from just the basics, kids need to learn how to cope and succeed in the real world.
I’m digressing from my original point, but the past couple of weeks have been really eye-opening for me. I have friends and family going through new experiences on all ends of the spectrum. I myself am trying to cope with new feelings and experiences. 2019 has proved to be a really challenging year for me and I’ve slipped up for sure, but I’ve learned a lot. From struggling to accept others for who they ultimately show themselves to be and trying to be there for others who are going through things you can’t fully grasp, this year turned out to be one I didn’t expect. But, that’s life. It comes at you hard and fast and no one has a manual to fix it when it’s broken. We’re all doing our best and that should be enough.
So, I think what I’m trying to say is we all need to be a little more patient with each other. Try and understand where people are coming from and understand that some may be going through things we have no idea about. Everyone has their thing, and whether small or large, we all have to go through things we never expected and some of those are things we never share with others. I think if everyone can step back and look at the bigger picture, appreciate what matters, and be grateful for what is, we’ll all be a little better off. End rant.